⟐ december

Page last updated: Dec 24 2018

merry christmas

justin scawful • 24 Dec 18

i'm sitting at newark airport right now connected to free wifi while i wait for my girlfriend nicole to come pick me up. im excited to be in new jersey again. ive been in a really good mood the past two weeks since my last blog post. i'm registered for next semesters classes and got my student loan taken out so i dont have to worry about paying the tuition out of pocket anymore. so now i'm more comfortable being on my vacation. nicole waited til the last minute to tell her family i was visiting which should be a pleasant surprise for her younger brother, even though her mom felt bad because she couldnt get me a gift in time.

being that its winter i had to pack a lot heavier than usual which did a number on my shoulders considering i just use a duffle bag and a backpack and carry both of them on. my flight was pretty crowded, every seat was taken and there were a lot of screaming children who did not appreciate having their devices taken away when it was fly time. it was pretty cute the way the staff interacted with the children though. one of the flight attendants was wearing christmas lights and they announced over the speaker that santa was flying nearby and then played bell sound effects. it was kinda cheesy, but it made me smile.

i just played smash bros the whole flight until the last 25 or so minutes when the air pressure got to my ears a bit and i had to take a break. i've been getting a lot better at the game and can really feel myself improving and learning the mechanics. it's extremely fun and addicting, and will make for a lot of cool videos i think. it's the precise reason i bought my elgato hd60 back in the spring when the game was announced. it'll be fun to play the game with nicole and her younger brother this week. i'm also excited to give nicole her christmas gifts. i'm sure it'll make her feel a lot better considering how upset she got about waiting to tell her parents.

nicole is 15 minutes away now though, so i'll wrap up this blog. i probably won't post on here again until after the new year. so yeah. merry christmas and all.

end of the semester

12 dec 18

my first semester of college is almost over. i had my final exam in my introductory computer information systems class and got an 86 ending the class with a B. now i've just gotta wait on the grade i got on my english paper and the final for that class on thursday. the professor said it was just going to be a self evaluation paper which seems simple enough. i'm considering writing it with my laptop in class rather than writing by hand because my wrist cramps up when i write by hand, and taking out my laptop in class gives me anxiety for some reason. not really that there's anything wrong with it and i see other kids using their laptop its just something about the act of taking it out makes me too nervous to bother, but i get uncomfortable when my wrist cramps up so which feeling is worse i guess.

i'm actually pretty happy right now despite being in the thick of winter. i mean, it's not that thick yet. we've gotten a bit of snow here but nothing crazy. been extremely cold forsure and despite that my seemingly routine seasonal depression hasn't been as bold this year. i've definitely felt like other people's negativity has rubbed off on me a bit lately and made me a bit pessimistic about certain things in terms of my general outlook on the world but i would also i've had some very enjoyable experiences with other people that have made me appreciate life so much more. on top of that, i haven't been as paranoid about my body lately. i was on a streak where the idea of my bones and inner organs being so fragile scared me, but recently i started working out and trying to take in more protein so i feel like the act of that has gave me some peace of mind.

since i work at a paint store, i have to lift heavy five gallon buckets and boxes with four individual paint gallons in them. unloading trucks with the shipments that come in twice a week. it's very strong boy stuff. i'm pretty comfortable at the job, though it'd always be nice to make more money. my hours are at least consistent and i've had no issue getting off to see my girlfriend, despite us being a bit short staffed with me in the position i'm in they kinda have to let me take the days off. i also managed to make the first payment on next semesters payment myself which felt good.

i'll be visiting nicole for christmas this year, which is going to be exciting. i saw her just in october and being able to visit her again this soon makes me super happy, especially since i'll be spending new years there as well. she also bought me the new smash bros ultimate which is apart of my christmas gift but she knew i wanted it so we had it ordered and i picked it up at walmart. so far it's looking like young link will be my main, but that could change. he's just the character i feel the most comfortable and capable with. i liked zero suit samus in smash 4 a lot, but she received some heavy nerfs this time around and while still being good i would like to try out other characters especially since young link is returning fighter from melee which i love. he's a pretty standard kit link but much smaller and quicker with very minimal lag in landing and performing attacks. i'm also interested in inkling, the ink mechanic with damage multipliers is very unique and fun to mess around with. overall the game is amazing and i'll be capturing footage on my elgato forsure, finally get some use out of it.

i definitely think with the semester over i'm gonna use my free time to not only relax but work on the website a bit. i'll probably concentrate on the art and design aspects. i've also got some music i've been working on in logic pro x that i want to mess with and try finalizing, but i get very lost in the process of production and abandon projects in a very unfinished state because i'm just not sure where to take them. i think maybe i should dedicate more time to working on playing the piano, as i haven't been sticking to it as much as i would like to the past two months. i got distracted with school, fortnite, reading, all this stuff and then just never went back to it. thats the problem with being into as many things as i am. stuff just gets left behind because you wanna try everything. sometimes i worry that habit will leave me feeling unfulfilled because i never really specialize or master something. but i also love the feeling of exploration and learning something new, even if i'm not the best at it or even meant to do it. my curiosity drives me and i get excited for new things.

the zelda hack seems to be on hold until i muster up the cash to pay for crossover so i can run hyrule magic on my mac still. i had it working just fine before but that was a trial period for the program. and unless i get a new computer the macbook is really my only option. nothing sounds fun about working on my zelda hack on a surface, unless i got a docking station for a monitor so i could have a larger display. there's just so many options i'm not really sure and the hack isn't a huge priority. i like it a lot but being a one man developer is a lot of work and i'm not getting paid so might as well take my sweet fucking time lol.

i should probably go to bed at this point. it feels good updating this blog again though. i'll definitely try to put more content on the website soon, both on the homepage and in my personal blog area. maybe upload some of my papers from the semester or something. who knows.